Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.