I cut my penus on the lid.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster