i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season