I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.