Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
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At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
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Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP