I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.