dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
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He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
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YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision