Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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