she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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