Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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