I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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