I wish they made helmets for livers.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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