quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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