Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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