I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
