I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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