I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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