We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
