I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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