I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I need moral support for this bender
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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