There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
