I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
