I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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