is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
