The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
