Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
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You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You made out with two different species that night
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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