We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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