I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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