I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize