I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
