Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
