you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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