So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
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Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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