Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
