don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
