plz talk dirty to me
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Randomize
