I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
