Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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