literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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