sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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