May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
His nipple licking is glorious
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