Whatcha textin bout Willis?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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