This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
