I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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