Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
My vagina just recognized that song.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
