dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
