I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize