I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
