Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
We need a shit load of segways right now
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
