That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I need to wash the frat house off of me
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
