Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Green mimosas i think yes
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
