there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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