I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
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No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
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Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
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