My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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