Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
