I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
