The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
