This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We have started to decorate penises.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Randomize
