I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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