I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
