if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
