If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
a search helicopter?!
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
