dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
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I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
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I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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