I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
