You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
