Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
It's never too late to be topless.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
