I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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