the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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