Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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