I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
