Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I can't turn off my feet"
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
