mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
