Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
