you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
