Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
