i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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