I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
