I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
