The maid of honor just puked.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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