I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
two words: eviction party
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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