I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
