I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
