it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
