Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
