Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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