I want to make a zoo with you.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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