no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
