oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I see more hoeing in ur future
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
