Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
