i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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