I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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